This is what my eighteen-year-old and I are working on this summer:

 I loved that it has questions for discussion at the end. Hard, digging questions...

One of the things that we discussed was friendships and a specific situation that has made her a little down. Ahhh...it is easy to put on my mommy cap and fill her with all this 'wisdom,' but I wanted this to be a time of growth and reflection for the both of us.

So instead of giving  out "Christianese" answers, I listened. Then I shared about how God has worked in my life in that area. It was such a good discussion...one that made me reflect a little more when I got home...

After Rebekah went to Heaven, it took me a while to go back to church. My heart was so tender.

Finally, I returned. After church someone came up to me and asked me how was I doing. I told them, "not too great at that moment." Then this sweet soul who  thought he was meaning well, spent the next fifteen minutes 'preaching' to me.  I should learn to let go and worry about my own life here on Earth. Rebekah was in Heaven, I shouldn't be dwelling on the negatives.

I was crushed.

He then asked if he was saying something that he shouldn't.

"Yes," I replied. "Please stop. I know all that, but my mommy heart still hurts."

 But he didn't. He was on a roll.

Dale got in the van and I just let the tears and words flow. I was angry. Angry at that person. Angry that my husband didn't notice and come to my rescue. Angry that I finally got enough courage to come to church and this was what I faced on the first day back.

Angry days passed and God seemed to directing my heart toward the idea of grace. Gently, He reminded me how much I was learning about His all-sufficient His grace...Grace I didn't deserve, not even a drop of it.

I should show that same grace to that man.

What? Didn't God know how much he hurt me? Didn't He know I told him to stop and he didn't?

Yes, yes, God knew.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the

heavenly places. 

 Ephesians 6:12

This man was not my enemy. Satan is my real enemy.

When I grasped that I understood that this well-meaning man was on the same side as me against our true enemy, satan. And only by allowing God to work through me in this situation was I able to offer grace to that man. Which, in turn, allowed me to genuinely extend love to him. That is only through Jesus living in me.

I would like to say that was the only time I had to extend grace concerning Rebekah. But people seem to say the most silly, un-filtered, where-did-that-come-from?, things to me months after that. And I have to believe that God used those people and situations to help me grow in grace and learn to extend grace as a default when I would rather do otherwise.

And this afternoon, God used that growth to minister to my daughter. To share with her about how God's economy is so different than that of the world's. World says get even, lash out, you have the right to give them a taste of their own medicine. You are right. They are wrong.

God's economy says love your enemies, love those that persecute you, extend grace to those that don't deserve it. Forgive.
Hard stuff, if it wasn't for Christ living in us.

I am grateful that God is still working on me. Humbled that He is allowing these precious moments with my oldest to walk through and navigate life together.