Grief

Here is a picture of my Blessing Ring (I got the idea from Katie's Keepers' blog. I still do not know how to link. That is on my list to learn this weekend=)). It doesn't look like it, but there are a lot of cards on this ring! In fact, the ring is about to break...I'll need to get another one. What a blessing it is to pray over these precious families in the morning!

Today was an extremely weepy day. It was my first day to drive. First on my list was to get Maggie's cookies for my sweet doctor. We have a tradition to give cookies to our doctor after our babies are born. I didn't want to miss this opportunity. To tell her how blessed we were that she was with us at the beginning of Rebekah's life and also at the end.

I was doing okay on my errands until I instinctively reached out and touched my tummy and started talking to Rebekah. My heart quickly sank when I realized what I had done. She had been my constant companion all these months. I can't count how many times she had kicked the steering wheel and I would respond with " Well, hello, my little girl. How are you today? I can't wait to hold those strong, little feet!"

Immediately the tears flowed and by the time I went to Dale's office I felt like a heavy veil of grief had descended upon me. I told Dale why I was crying...how my heart was breaking. He gently reminded me that I could still talk to Rebekah.

So I did. I told her how much she was wanted. How much she is loved and missed. Then through tears, I pleaded with God to tell her how much I love her. Although His love is probably so encompassing that she may not need my love. That's okay. I will still continue to love her until my last heartbeat!

Grief is a sneaky, unwelcomed little visitor. It shows up, sometimes, when I least expect it. And it likes to linger past its welcome. I wonder how long will I expect its visits....

"So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away you joy."

John 16:22