Catching Up

Wow! My poor blog has been neglected.  I have been busy and quite honestly felt like I had nothing to say. 


My days have been filled with wedding coordinating, homeschool book buying, garage sale sifting, house cleaning, home making, calorie counting, husband loving, children training, appointment keeping, friend taxiing, girlfriend fellowshipping, frantic reading and a lit bit of achy crying. 

No matter how busy I get, my thoughts always go back to that sweet little baby. Going to graduations this weekend just reminded me that I will never see her picture up on  the screen with a slide show of her life.  I will never get to hear her name announced as she walks across the stage.  I will never feel her hug as she triumphantly hands me her diploma.  I had a good cry over that.  A real good, deep, achy, longing, cry.

 And then I was reminded of something I read from Joni Eareckson Tada:

It's a kind of scale, I finally reasoned. Every person alive fits somewhere onto a scale of suffering that ranges from little to much.

And it's true, wherever we happen to be on that scale--that is, however much suffering we have to endure--there are always those below us who suffer less, and those above who suffer more. The problem is we usually like to compare ourselves only with those who suffer less.  That way we can pity ourselves and pretend we're at the top of the scale.  But when we face reality and stand beside those who suffer more, our purple heart medals don't shine brightly.

Ouch. But for me, so true. 

I have people in my life that have suffered losses that literally breaks my heart...a woman of three that lost her husband; a woman that lost her dad, husband and child in a span of three years; nieces and a nephew that lost their mommy; a brother who lost his wife; children that lost their daddy... This is just my immediate list.

Then I hear of those that had their children taken from them to be tortured, those that suffer greatly for their faith, those with terminal illness, those that lost limbs...the list goes on and on.  But to compare my suffering to theirs is fruitless. We have all suffered...are suffering.

But if  I think about it--the ones that I am attracted to, that I am drawn to, are the ones whose light shines brightly in spite of, or because of their suffering.  In their suffering, they have cried out and been touched by the Great Physician and their lives reflects that touch.

Randy Alcorn says, "Our suffering can be a source of hope for others. Although God alone is the blazing sun, we can be 3-watt night-lights. In darkness, even a tiny light can bring hope."

One precious woman, in particular, has been that light to me.  She has suffered great losses in a short amount of time, but I am drawn to her.  I have not forgotten her suffering and I can't compare my suffering to hers.  But I am drawn to her because of the light and depth of her testimony and the sweetness of her spirit because of her suffering.   I want to be that testimony.   I want Christ's light to shine in me.  I want to remember this doesn't minimize my loss, but is a testimony of Christ's faithfulness during my loss. 

And so I need to remember that even though I will never see Rebekah's name on a graduation program, her name is written in the palm of His hand.  And that one day I will feel that triumphant hug from her because we have finished the race.  That one day I will hear her name and mine called out by our Master who knows us.

Right now I need to cling to that hope, but also give hope to others.  My purple heart may not be something to brag about, but that doesn't mean I can't shine like gold because of the hope Christ gives to me.

"But if I go to the east, he is not there;  if I go to the west, I do not find him.

When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.

 But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold."

Job 23:8-10